Have you ever lost your words or lost your train of thought in the middle of doing something routine?
I’m not talking about trying to do something new. I’m talking about forgetting what side of the car the gas tank is on, when you pull into a gas station for the 1000th time.
It can be scary when you start to worry that your brain isn't keeping up with you.
When your brain doesn’t feel sharp and focused, it can be frustrating. And then throw some grumpy moods into the mix, and suddenly you’re overwhelmed and scattered.
New moods can appear like anxiety, restlessness, frustration, angst and ruminating. It’s crazy because these have suddenly become a “new normal” for you, and you weren’t like this before!
Remember when you used to be ultra focused, organized and sharp?
Most days if you forgot your grocery list, you could remember most of the things on the list. Today you’d be lucky to remember the 5 simple things on the piece of paper your forget in the kitchen. And yeah, you forgot the list in the kitchen…
Ugh – it’s like your brain has become a cotton candy machine. It leaves you feeling sticky and whacked out on a sugar high.
I have good news for you! You're not crazy or losing your mind.
I know how you’re feeling because I was there not too long ago. In fact, I’m now 56 and over night found myself in menopause at the old age of 44. Yes, that’s considered early menopause.
What came before 44 and after was hot, uncomfortable and erratic. My moods and brain fog were the worst part. I felt angry, often.
I remember going on a girls’ weekend and drinking too much and complaining the whole time. I felt like Eeyore’s twin sister and felt like no one around me was able to do things right. Looking back, I’m not proud of my behaviour but its also why I’m here being honest with you today. It’s something we need to talk about.
I want to help you gain clarity on what is going on with your changing hormones and changing body.
I want to give you some ideas to help with the grumpy feelings, which feel a lot like PMS but worse. Those are words from one of my clients btw. And most of all, I want you to know that your hormone shifts are normal and you’re body is giving you signs for a reason.
Your menopausal symptoms are your superpower. They are your solution. Your solution to happier moods. Your solution to more loving connections. And your solution to more confidence in your over 40 body and choices.
Let's take a look at the top 3 solutions to your grumpy moods.
1 - You're not alone
Repeat after me. You’re not alone.
It may seem like a simple statement but imagine with me for a moment. Imagine you’re about to lose your shi*t for the 5th time in a morning. You feel off, hot and frustrated and not your usual cool self.
If you could take a moment.
Take a breath.
Close your eyes and say “I’m not alone”
Did you try it? Please try it now if you didn’t…
I’m now trusting you…
You’ve done it, right?
How do you feel now? Isn’t it a crazy effective statement to say?
The reason this works is because you've stopped your behaviour in it's tracks.
You didn’t make yourself feel guilty, but told your body and freaking hormonal brain, that it’s okay. You’ve given it permission to stop and feel the emotion, while releasing it at the same time.
You’re also sending your body a love message that you’re not alone in this crazy hormone shift. It’s why I’m always telling women that their body is beautiful and knows what it’s doing. We haven’t been taught how to listen
By saying "you're not alone" - you've also just met your favourite future self.
Let me explain.
The minute you started reading this, you accepted that you needed some guidance. You started walking a path from where you are today, feeling hot and bothered, to a new person who feels calm.
The new calm you, is coming into ‘being”. The new calm you is here right now and you’re making her come to life with your mind. You wished her here and voila she’s here and…
She’s YOUR new favourite self or higher self or soul self. You can call her by any name and she’s super cool, right? She kinda looks like you too, ya know 😉
I’m a huge “energy” geek. I love teaching ancient holistic techniques inside The Becoming Energized Workshop. You can check it out here.
By saying “you’re not alone” you’ve also grounded yourself in the present moment. You’ve given yourself permission to stop running around beating yourself up.
It's an amazing gift when you can shift your own energy with a moment of quiet support.
Which brings us to the second ultimate solution to your grumpy scattered moods. Now that you have your body’s attention it’s time to support your hormones and body in another way. It’s time to slow down and…
2 - Stop Rushing
Telling yourself to stop rushing and doing it "all" is hard work!
I have a set of wind chimes that sit outside my kitchen window. They were my father-in-laws chimes and he was a very clever calm man. Everytime I run around and they go off, it always reminds me to slow down. I laugh and say “Okay, Harold, I’ll slow down!” and it works. I stop rushing and slow my pace down.
Rushing or multi-tasking is hard on your brain.
I know, as women we think that multi-task is a good way to operate but new brain science is telling a different story.
When we enter menopause our brain goes through a 4th transformational phase.
Stages 1-3 are baby, teen years and early adulthood and/or parenthood. A current 12 year brain scan study by Neuroscientist, Dr Lisa Mosconi at Weill Cornell Medicine, is pointing to areas of the brain that we use and stop using post menopause.
In the 4th brain transformational phase we’re left with a new brain. During each phase our brains’ create new neuropathways and discards old neuropathways and women and men differ as we age. When we go from baby to teen we no longer need the pathways that tell us how to hold a spoon. We’ve mastered that pathways so we discard it.
Want to guess what neuropathway we discard in the post menopause brain? The multi-tasking brain!
We don’t need to run from meetings to after school activities. We don’t have to visit the grocery store, do laundry for everyone and worry about the kids homework.
It's a natural shift from going in a hundred directions and the brain scans are proving it.
Our new brain is about compassion for our children and grandchilden. Which explains why so many retired members of our community turn to volunteering.
It’s also about wisdom of experience and time. I belong to my second mastermind with women 40+ starting their new businesses with a new drive and focus. It’s our collective wisdom that is driving our success, not our multi-tasking abilities.
And my favourite shift? We're more likely to speak up and not give a Fu*k. I love that so much!
Rushing is also a drain on your brain. Instead of rushing and multi-tasking, try giving your brain a moment of quiet. Try meditation or listening to music or watching rain fall on a window. Anything that is “mindless” for 10 minutes, will give your brain a break to recharge and feel sharper. Which is why the third solution makes so much sense to our hormone cortisol. Our body’s stress hormone.
3 - Joy planning
Who doesn't love planning more fun things to do?
Joy planning is about doing things that fill you with well – joy! Joy planning is sometimes hard to do when you feel tired all the time but it’s exactly why you need it!
What do you love to do? Hike? Walk the dog? Sit on your porch and drink tea? Visit friends? Listen to music? Paint? Garden? Watch movies or go to the theatre? Read books? Knit?
The list is endless when you start to think about it. But planning joy time takes practice.
Joy planning can be things you do for yourself like reading a book or you could join a book club too. You could plan to pick up a new local tea and invite a friend over to try it out. Grab some new seeds and try planting a small garden or do some patio planting.
My husband and I love going to different breweries. We also love visiting local small Ontario towns. Since he’s a car guy and loves to drive, we’ll drive somewhere local and enjoy a pint on a patio in the warmer months.
We also love camping and last year took a few days to drive 3 hours away to stay in a small cottage town in winter. We took our snowshoes with us and hiked a few trails and enjoyed a new local pizza shop.
Once every 3 months I try to plan something we don't normally do, like the ideas above.
Yesterday I messaged an old university friend we haven’t seen in a while and booked a dinner. We love music so I’ll buy tickets to festivals or local small venues and listen to someone new. We go to car meets where I drink coffee and he gets to geek out at all the cool cars I know nothing about.
Joy planning is about having fun.
Trying new things and old things. It’s about connecting with what makes you tick and who you love to spend time with.
It’s also a great way to make your hormones hum rather than crash around feeling hot and bothered.
Once you start, you’ll find you can’t stop. I guarantee that in a few months from now you won’t believe how much more connected you feel to yourself and others.
It's one of the reasons why our bodies are struggling more than ever.
We come from the strongest tribes from 1000s of years ago. We’re meant to be together, connected, and spending more time in nature. We were never supposed to be alone watching endless Netflix shows. Of course I love a good series on Netflix but…
We need to stay connected outside of our homes and our normal routines.
It keeps your body tuned to try new things. To push it to stay resilient and laugh and have fun. Otherwise you’ll find yourself sad, full of anxiety and disconnected. Instead I want to celebrate you while you give yourself the time to do new things and know you aren’t alone. To stop rushing and enjoy the things that bring you joy. If we all start to do these 3 things we’ll see happier more connected women than ever before.
If you’re ready to put these 3 solutions into action check out a rare opportunity to join a new beta program. It’s group coaching focused on YOUR symptoms and solutions. Learn more here
Spots are limited due to the intimate nature of the program.
Stephanie Huntjens White is a holistic health coach and wellness stylist who helps women flip their 40+ symptoms into their superpower by helping them find clarity and confidence in their changing body, in a beautiful holistic way. Book a free 20 minute discovery call